It was given to me for two reasons- One, I have a problem with my feet- plantar faciitis. And, two, I have diffuculty with my son. He’s 15. Enough said.
My feet are hyper mobile, so they turn in, or pronate, which makes the arches fall. So the goal of my asana- physical practice- is to stabalize and strengthen my feet.
At the end of my practice, I chant- sthira–sukham asanam– for myself, and for my son. Now this is very helpful for me. It’s just repeating to myself so I remember- steady goes it, easy goes it, in my life, in my practice. Steady goes it, easy goes it, in my relationship with my son.
Because life throws stuff at you. My good step-mother always called them the 2 x 4’s of life. I picture the three stoges doing a skit where they’re carrying boards on their shoulders narrowly missing each other, until wham, someone gets hit on the back of the head.
So yesterday, life reminded me of a board that pretty much thumps me every day, I just got used to it.
I come from a split family, and I threw my support behind my father, and chose to be angry at my mom. After all, my dad was only around on Fridays and Sundays, and she did most of the parenting and was at hand. It wasn’t until I held my first born in my arms for the first time that I got it. I was not perfect, would never be, and all I could ever do was my best, and with all my heart I loved my son.
Well, is it karma? Me and his father split, and I get the brunt of my son’s anger. So ya, I understand he needs to be angry at someone, I’m close at hand, I have to be the tough one, and his dad gets to be the good guy ’cause he only sees him on week-ends.
Lately though, I started to admit, it’s hard, I love him to pieces, and he pushes all my buttons. It’s hard.
Then last night everything exploded. He’s actually been doing good lately. I got tough and laid down some rules, and he doesn’t get his phone, or else his x-box unless he follows those rules. He is, and his grades are good now.
But he knows how to push my buttons, and I exploded. I cut the cord to his x-box and he smashed a chair (yikes!).
I started journaling a month or so ago, and it helps. I see that although I understand his anger, it hurts me. So I’m angry. If I look at that, I can see the hurt underneath. But I regret nothing, none of my choices that led us to this path. He needs his father, he needs me, we worked it out as best we could. I feel hurt.
Then I did my yoga- sthira–sukham asanam. steady goes it, easy goes it, in my practice, in my life. It was so soothing and comforting. It’s all ok, 2x 4’s hit, and yes, you can never take back the angry words. But it’s ok, it was a storm on the ocean, we’re both still alive, get back on course, steady, easy, easy as she goes.
Frances Adamson teaches yoga in Oshawa- 279 Central Park Blvd. N